Violence against women and girls is endemic in society. I’ve been overwhelmed by the response to the poem I wrote about my rape by a man I met through my #journalism. This abuse was not the only time I have experienced gendered violence in my career.
Over time, I have suppressed many experiences for self-protection. In some way, you might say I’ve normalised them. But these were abnormal. These were abuses and harassment, attacks and threats, behaviours perpetrated by people who chose to behave in this way.
I know this may resonate with many. When we stop to think, we remember times, we were made to feel ashamed, times we were hurt, told to stop making a big deal of it, times we were silenced.
I know that I’ve been conditioned to cope in certain ways. I am not proud of some of my behaviours. There were times I drank too much alcohol, engaged in risky behaviour, including consensually with male colleagues, ending up in situations that I question today. My journalism suffered because of the inequity I faced. I stopped working daily in newsrooms was because of the experiences I suffered.
I remember some of the incidents connected to my journalism, where people abused their power against me and where I felt controlled, ashamed and violated, and am sharing a handful them below, in case anyone thinks these are one offs and in case any of my colleagues have ever felt they weren’t heard. These aren’t all of them, by any stretch…..
* Death threats against me by a disillusioned, misogynist student during a speech at a US university, which my male hosts allowed me to give, despite knowing about the threats and not telling me until after.
* Being sexually assaulted by someone involved in international football during a reporting trip as a young freelance journalist
* Being invited to the house of a news executive to be told his marriage was failing, and he knew I would understand.
* Being seduced by an older married colleague, who promised to give me a leg up, but actually wanted a leg over.
* Numerous men during my time in Latin America, assuming that they would give me an interview in return for intimacy.
* An ex-boyfriend ensuring that the only accommodation left on a reporting trip to a hostile environment was a shared tent with him.
* Meeting a man through my journalism with whom I entered into a long-term relationship that left me suicidal.
Things are changing. I’m grateful for all the allies of different genders and identities who support me.
But, as I write this, I would like our industry to take a long look at itself, and ask what are we still doing to facilitate abuses of power, to condition people to behave in certain ways. How can we create spaces where people feel safe, really safe. Hostile environments mean different things for different people. How can we recognise this, and ensure that we employ empathy, promote equity, so journalists are supported to do their best work.
#metoo #16daysofactivism #mentalhealth #journalism
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